When faced with uncertain or difficult times, I often think of my mother’s childhood and how her life was shaped by World War II. Like so many in her generation, when she was eight years old she was forced to go into hiding. One of the realities she faced was not being allowed to go to school.
The COVID-19 pandemic doesn’t compare to what my mother went through, but children today are contending with their own life-changing uncertainties and drastically altered realities. Just this week a client told me about how she and her son went out and bought all the typical college necessities. They began the process of organizing his belongings and packing him up, only to receive a call telling them that the school had closed the dorms and students were not allowed to move in. Imagine the excitement he felt preparing for this process and then the letdown of being told that the COVID-19 virus is too risky and mysterious, so you can’t attend in-person classes. College has gone virtual.
This is our new reality. We are talking about COVID-19, hearing about COVID-19, and fear getting sick from COVID-19. This is difficult for all of us, but as adults, we have some templates for how to deal with major setbacks and can draw lessons from past experiences. We have lived through the financial crisis, September 11th, and many other uncertainties in our lives. Adults have had the chance to learn lessons and become stronger. We can rely on those past experiences to help us understand and cope with our new reality. Children and young adults don’t have the same guide for trauma as adults do.
School is an essential and consistent part of a young adult’s life, and when that becomes restricted, their whole world is turned upside down. They are being taught to be afraid of getting COVID-19. They carry the burden that even if they go to college, they may be bringing COVID-19 back to their homes and getting their parents or grandparents sick. They are now responsible for keeping up with the curriculum and pioneering a novel educational structure. Not an easy feat.
This is a very different scenario from prior students who had their first college experience just one year ago. Before the pandemic, heading off to college carried its own set of challenges. It was a time when students had to leave their comfort zone and develop the skills needed to navigate a whole new social structure, learning structure, and support system. It was not that long ago that I spoke about the development and challenges of this important phase, such as setting goals for their education, adaptation to a new environment, physical competency, interpersonal competency, and overall sense of confidence. And now look where we are.
At this point, we don’t know what the future will bring. We need to let go of what college used to be and embrace the new college experience confronting our children. We need to evolve to a new normal. To embrace not what used to be, but what IS. And we must not only accept the present, but be able to look back in 10 years and talk to future generations about this crisis. To remember with pride how we coped during the pandemic, whether our children were schooled virtually or not. How courageous were we, and what values did we instill in our children? What did our children see guided us? What lessons can we teach our children that will stay with them throughout their lifetime, so that they too can have a template of courage and resilience.
