As seen on
Here are some tips from Clinical Psychologist Dr. Judith Zackson you might find helpful while social distancing, quarantining, and self-isolating during the coronavirus.
Q: “How do I fill the void for in-person social interaction when it’s not a possibility right now?” —sierrao44
A: “A pandemic or any other kind of trauma is a wake-up call that invites us to consider what is most important to us. Many of us are realizing how much we valued the opportunity to spend time with friends, family and colleagues in-person now that we are separated. We are struggling to find the same amount of meaning and fulfillment in our relationships that we did when we could connect with people face-to-face.
In this situation, try to understand what your social interactions were like prior to COVID-19. There are different kinds of interaction — a physical interaction and an emotional interaction. Without the physical interaction, the question is, ‘How can you learn to deepen the emotional interaction?’ How can you enhance the conversation when the person isn’t next to you? Taking this approach could expand the emotional intimacy you have with a loved one because you’re forced to listen more. The interactions we have during this time can be more meaningful if we work on them and our relationships can be even stronger than they were before the pandemic.”
Q: “As a naturally positive person, I’m struggling to support my friends and family. How can I build others up without letting them bring me down?” —lizzgold
A: “Sometimes, even when we have the highest intentions, we have to modify our goals. Understand that you’re not going to be able to help a depressed or anxious person. You have to recognize what your limits are as a human being because you’re not trained in how to treat people who are struggling with COVID-19. But, you should know the little teaspoon of help you’re offering is useful, even if you’re not fully helping them come out of their funk.”
Q: “I’m currently working from home and finding it difficult to be productive while I have other family members constantly around me. What’s the best way to handle them?” —Anonymous
A: “Serenity is peace within the storm. You have to try your best to create your own inner peace. Start by setting boundaries that are healthy for you. For instance, you could put a sign on your door to indicate that you’re working and remind them of the hours it’s acceptable for them to come in and have a conversation. You have to be ready to do what’s good for you, even if it means telling them a million times a day what you need. You also have to say to yourself, ‘I forgive myself for not doing my greatest work because I’m home and I’m afraid of COVID-19. It’s OK to produce whatever I’m able to, given the situation.’”
Q: “How do you deal with no support whatsoever? Psychologists and support centers have closed their doors, so how do I get the help I need?” —theworldofatataxy
A: “There is a lot of help out there for people who need it. There are online services available to people all over the world and Greenwich Psychology Group’s virtual doors are open. Some people find they prefer sessions on the phone or via Skype because they have a hard time being in the presence of a therapist. They find it comforting to have therapy in their beds or on their couches, in familiar surroundings.
If you go to the American Psychological Association’s website, they’re currently offering a lot of tips. It might not be easy to find the right therapist during this time if you don’t normally meet with one, but it’s doable and you have a variety of choices. It’s important to know you have to be your own advocate and cheerleader, and eventually you’ll feel really connected to yourself.”
Q: “How do I, a senior in high school, stay calm during all of this? I’m having a hard time finishing school when there’s no rewarding end of high school events, like going to prom or walking at graduation.” —mmc50
A: “So many things we’ve regarded as valuable have been taken away or modified by the pandemic. It’s OK to feel upset about that. But this pandemic is also a great teacher. Throughout our lives, unexpected things happen and we find ourselves in challenging moments. Experiences like this can teach you to become a stronger and more resilient person. Maybe there’s a way you can celebrate your accomplishments at the end of the year online. That way, when you look back 10 years from now, you’ll know your graduation still had meaning and it wasn’t like any other day.”
Q: “What are some hobbies, besides watching TV, that are good for the body and mind during this time?” —Anonymous
A: “Meditation can be helpful because it’s about the here and now. It tells us to stay in the present moment and stop worrying about the past and future. Meditation helps you be at peace with yourself and enjoy your own company, which is invaluable when you’re in isolation. It gets us to accept what is.
This is also a good time to go from the external to the internal. When you’re in isolation, you’re forced to look within, and focus on personal growth in the body and mind. You can take a walk, exercise inside your house, and declutter your brain to reevaluate what’s important. Whether it’s through meditation, therapy, or reaching out to friends and family, ask yourself how you can use this unique moment to become a stronger person within. You can think of this time not as being stuck inside, but being safe inside.”
Q: “Due to lockdowns and living in different places/countries, mourning for loved ones is very difficult. How can we deal with the loss when we can’t set the proper arrangements to say goodbye?” —jpizzacat
A: “Mourning the loss of a loved one is difficult right now because we’re also bombarded with the grief of the pandemic, and don’t have the social support systems that we’re used to. It’s extremely difficult to feel helpless and powerless. Try your best to make meaning for yourself and the person who passed away. Create a new vision of what mourning in a private, meaningful way looks like. Know that it’s OK to feel broken and it’s OK to ask for help. Reach out to a friend or a family member, and if that doesn’t work, consider professional help. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking care of yourself in a time of need.”
Q: “I can feel myself getting back into my disordered eating habits, as I’m now working out each day and not seeing any difference in my weight. How can I stop myself from spiraling about this?” —cicelyt99
A: “An eating disorder, like any addiction, usually exists because you feel powerless and anxious. This uncertain time is bringing everyone’s anxiety to the forefront. It’s hard to get away from, unfortunately. If you had these difficulties prior to COVID-19, now is the time to reach out for professional help. You can try doing it yourself, but know you can only do a little at a time. It’s also important to remember that, if you did something that isn’t healthy for you, you have to forgive yourself. The worst thing to do is give up.”
Q: “What’s a good way to support someone with severe anxiety and depressive issues without being with them physically?” —roscuro72
A: “Being physically connected and emotionally connected are two separate things. You can be emotionally present even if you’re apart, and you can feel really isolated even if you’re physically together. The bond you have with someone is internalized. If the bond was there prior to COVID-19 and it’s secure, then it’s still there now and you can be a source of emotional support for each other.”
Q: “I have additional responsibilities now because my children are doing Distance Learning (with specific assignments and meetings), but both my kids have special needs and can’t work on their own. My husband and I are both working from home, and he is extra busy. How do I deal with this additional stress?” —alicec4
A: “Think of the bigger picture and what will make your family healthy. Don’t focus on your children doing the assignment perfectly, because they might not. Recognize that they may not do their homework like they normally do. Instead, a good day for them right now might involve getting more love and self-esteem from you, and that’s just as valuable. It’s also OK to tell your children that you and your husband have to work — make a schedule and make a block for ‘Parent Time.’ It’s also OK to put away your work for an hour and make your children feel special. Teach them that everyone is trying their best.”
Q: “The coronavirus is all my friends talk about — what’s the best way to shift the conversation without them thinking I’m disregarding their feelings?” —Anonymous
A: “They want to talk about it because they want to process it with you. Fear is a motivator and it can transform you into becoming stronger. You can discuss what’s happening with COVID-19 with your friends, but also ask them how you can all learn to grow from it. The challenge is to stay positive and hopeful, and if you’re able to acclimate to this newness, you can become creative about how you approach life under adversity and eventually build the psychic muscle you already have.”
Q: “How do I keep going in the absence of hope? How do we get up every day and go about our lives without breaking down with grief over the constant stream of tragedies?” —sf7312
A: “This is definitely a difficult time. We’re living in a great deal of uncertainty. The best way to stay hopeful is to look within yourself. The trick is to have a strong emotional core. A way to achieve that is to go through the Kübler-Ross Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’d add a sixth stage, which is putting meaning into your life — the faster you can do it, the faster you’ll be able to appreciate yourself and the present moment, and not see it as loss or loneliness. See this as an opportunity to transcend and become a stronger person.”
And one final note from Dr. Zackson:
“If you’re lucky enough not to get ill, let COVID-19 make you stronger and teach you. If you’re able to talk about it now while the trauma’s happening with your friends and family who are also processing it, you might grow from this and gain Post-Traumatic Resilience. This is a very difficult time we’re going through, but if you can, I encourage you to find some kind of meaning in whatever you do.”
